None of this should be happening. Ever.
When you are on a plane, you are stuck on the plane, and sometimes for a very long time. This is just a fact. If you are someone who can easily fall asleep on planes and not exist for the entire plane-experience, you are a king who has mastered a truly marvelous trade, and, honestly, you should be very pleased with yourself. You did it. You don’t have to deal with being on the plane, really, because you’re sleeping! Wonderful job.
For the rest of us, we must deal with being on the plane because, perhaps, sleeping like a little sardine sitting upright for many hours just isn’t possible. And sometimes, when you are fully awake on a plane for many hours, you see things. Horrible things. You see things you cannot unsee, and will never forget. They are things, inhumane things, that crawl inside of the deepest part of your brain, and essentially camp out there forever. Sorry! This is your forever memory now, sorry!
That said, we asked our readers what the weirdest thing was that they’ve ever seen someone do on a plane. Here are our findings.
A Lot of Grooming at All the Wrong Times
The right time to groom yourself, in any way, shape, or form, on a plane is: Never. Don’t clean your human body in front of other people (specifically ones you do not know) while also sitting very close to them. Why? It’s simple: because it’s disgusting and it makes everyone uncomfortable. And if you absolutely must, there are two very simple guidelines:
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- Go to the airplane restroom.
- Don’t be a gross weirdo (aka clean up after yourself).
Readers wrote in telling stories of people picking their noses and discarding on the seat in front of them (hello, what is wrong with you), and also eating them (WHAT ARE YOU DOING). For the love of god, if you are going to do this, do it when absolutely zero other human beings have to be around to see it. Other occurrences submitted to us that qualify to be in this special category are: trimming any form of your nails (toe and finger), anything having to do with picking at your skin (any part of your skin!), using the hot towel given to you by the flight attendants to clean ANYTHING under your clothes (you can use your imagination here, because we got several different submitted areas), painting your nails, and taking off your socks to do absolutely anything having to do with your feet.
Know How to Do a Plane
A thing you need to remember at every moment of life, and especially on a plane is basic common sense. Many readers wrote in with people who, put quite simply, either had never been on a plane before or forgot every ounce of common sense immediately upon boarding. One reader wrote in about a woman who turned to the woman next to her and said, “I’m going to sleep on the floor,” and put a bunch of blankets on the ground (where feet usually go) and just fell the heck to sleep, right there on the ground. You can’t do this! Why are you doing this? Other people’s feet go there, ma’am.
A major aspect in knowing how to do planes is remembering that when you are *flying,* you are *up high in the sky.*
A major aspect in knowing how to do planes is remembering that when you are flying, you are up high in the sky–which seems pretty obvious, but some readers let us know that sometimes this is easily forgotten. One person told us that they witnessed someone “try to exit the plane mid-flight,” which is not an okay thing to do, because, as I mentioned, the plane is in the sky.
Another reader told us a tale of a woman who was doing stretches on the plane–which is fine, usually, but this particular woman was doing stretches near the emergency exit and using the handle on the emergency exit door to balance herself, in the middle of the night and while the plane was not only in the sky but flying over the Atlantic Ocean. Again, you are on a plane and that is the door to the plane–knock it off and please remember what a plane is.
Multiple readers wrote in about people lighting up actual cigarettes (not even e-cigarettes) on the plane. How long has it been since you have been on a plane? You cannot do this anymore. In related events, there was a man spitting chewing tobacco into a cup (no lid) and multiple people straight up lighting up joints in their seats. Guys–you have to wait to do these things until you’re not on the plane anymore. Learn how to do a plane.
For Your Consideration: Other People
From the answers we got, it very much seems like many plane-riders forget entirely how to be considerate of other people, generally. You see, when you are around other people, it is considered “good behavior” to be aware of this and adjust your behavior to doing things appropriate in public situations. A general rule of thumb you can use to remember this while you are on a plane, therefore, is this: People CAN see you, and you’re NOT invisible!
A few horror stories we got were: a woman changing a baby on the dropdown tray (meant for eating), a man “absentmindedly” sticking his hands down his pants (this is something you cannot be absentminded about, sorry), a woman who decided to just start eating off the plate of the person next to her (who she did not know), and a woman scratching her back with a fork and then using it to eat her food (sigh).
Perhaps you are aware that other people are around you, but you simply don’t care. For example, take the person who pulled out a carton of hardboiled eggs (!) midflight (!!) and began cracking them open, and eating them. Obviously, the eggs smelled horrible. Another plane-criminal who participated in not caring about other people around them was the person who, all of a sudden, just stood up ON her chair, and stepped on the armrests to get out of her seat, over the people next to her (who she did NOT know).
Remember: You Don’t Own the Plane
Just because you are flying on the plane does not mean that it is your plane. This even pertains to you if you are a rich person, who has perhaps paid for a nicer seat. One reader wrote in saying that a man took someone else’s bag out of the overhead bin and threw it on the floor, so that he could place his bag in there, instead. He then defended himself to the flight attendant, saying, “This is MY bin.” It is not your bin, actually! It is not your plane. Everyone has simply rented a temporary seat on this plane, and not one part of it belongs to you. Remember that, please!