How to Rediscover the Most Boring Place on Earth

A sensory overload unlike any other room in the house: the Kitchen. You’ll want to dedicate a lot of time in this room since there is so much to experience in the Kitchen from the sink to the stove to the absolutely iconic refrigerator. The Kitchen is a room for rediscovery. Browse through unused spices you forgot you bought. Take a spin on the lazy Susan to see what’s in the back of the pantry. Is there something worth checking out in the freezer? Be the intrepid explorer your palate needs right now. 

If you want to do the Living Room right, you’ve got to start with the couch. Don’t just plop down, take time to really settle into each seat and rediscover comfort. Arrange pillows and ottomans for optimal relaxation–you’re going to be here a while. This is a room of leisure, and you want to really soak it in. You can’t leave the Living Room without experiencing the television. Warm and bright, the TV will bring you up close with fascinating local personalities including Dr. Fauci, the Brothers Cuomo, and the Tiger King. 

Experts give this room 5 out of 5 stars. This can’t-miss destination is sure to impress even the most experienced of travelers. Cozy and warm, the Bedroom was made for you. The endtables hold everything you need for your stay, from a glass of half-drunk water to that book you’re never going to read to a frayed and abused phone charger. The best time to go is at night, but daytime visits also provide a restful atmosphere conducive to rejuvenation. 

You don’t want to miss the Bathroom. A rustic spa experience, the treatments include luxuries like a sink, a shower, and, for the very lavish, the eponymous bathtub. An extremely useful feature of the Bathroom is the toilet, which is probably your main reason for visiting, but don’t miss out on excursions like the medicine cabinet, the vanity counter, and for those who are really looking to get away from the crowds, the linen closet. 

There’s something so exciting about the outside—the trees, the sun, the potential for infection. Perfect for every budget, the Backyard provides all sorts of free, locally-sourced entertainment like nature and weather. There’s truly something for everyone in the Backyard–hikers will enjoy the walking aspect, history lovers can watch time pass, and those looking for nightlife will actually witness day become dark. The Backyard will provide even the most sequestered a reprieve from the indoors and a reminder of the rest of the world out there.

Special thanks to and additional work by Teddy Minford, Devin Duckworth, Carl Yu, Rebecca Rimmer, and Jeremy Tarr.