10 Sneaky Tricks for Enjoying Fancy Hotel Pools—Without Paying for Them

Before anything else, preparation is the key to success. Research your options before setting your sights. TripAdvisor and Google Maps are my preferred resources as you can use them to scour your surrounding area. Plus, both apps usually have images of the lobby, pool area, and pool bars and restaurants uploaded by good Samaritans (a.k.a. “the public”), which are much more revealing than any press images. Use these to familiarize yourself with the layout and locate the bar and swimming pool in advance where possible. I personally tend to veer towards larger hotels where there are so many guests that you won’t be noticed. You’re much more likely to be spotted in a smaller boutique property. Remember, anonymity is your friend on this mission.

Once you have chosen your hotel destination, it’s very important to believe that this swimming pool is yours. It belongs to you. It was built for you to use. Once it’s firmly established in your mind that you have a god-given right to use this pool, an entitled attitude will follow. Any awkwardness or guilty expression could mark the end of the escapade so giving yourself a talking-to prior to arrival is going to help cement your confidence and improve your swagger. The same applies to the pool bar. Visualize yourself holding that espresso martini. It really doesn’t matter what you wear but how you carry yourself; chin up with a slightly haughty look in your eye.

On arrival to your chosen target, calmly walk through the lobby and head to the elevator. The buttons inside will confirm which floor the swimming pool is located on. We’re usually aiming for the rooftop or basement level garden, these being prime pool locations, but a mezzanine level pool is not unheard of. If you need a key card to access the swimming pool floor, go to the floor above or below your target and walk down (see tip 4 for stairs). If you need a key card to operate the elevator altogether, you have two options: Either rummage through your bag until someone joins you and uses their swipe card; or leave the elevator entirely and see our next tip.

If the elevator has let you down (a.k.a. your chosen hotel is hot on security), don’t be deterred straight away. The stairwell makes for a great loophole and can also double up as good research. As mentioned in tip 3, some hotels require you to swipe your room key to access the pool area floor–this happened to me in Ho Chi Minh City–and in this situation, press the floor above and exit the elevator there. I was able to check out a few room numbers and walk down a flight of stairs, gracefully swanning in to the pool terrace like a pro. It may be the case that the stairs make a better first choice, so don’t panic if the elevator doesn’t serve you well. You got this.

Bringing your own beach towel or bath towel to a hotel pool sneak is an absolute rookie error and is guaranteed to raise suspicions. Think about it. Why would a hotel guest be carrying around a big old towel in their own hotel? Your own towel will undoubtedly be a mismatch, a dead giveaway, a total fail. Leave your towel at your reasonably priced AirBnB where it belongs. Any fancy resort worth its salt will be handing out large towels as you get to the pool terrace, or have towels placed on the loungers awaiting you. There is an outside chance that the pool guy or girl will ask your room number in exchange for a towel, and this is where your stair usage comes in handy. I usually go for 305 as my room number, a combo of my birthday date and month, you can make up your own but do check that floor exists before rolling it out.

Now just because you’re visiting this hotel incognito, there is no need to be rude to the staff. Concierge or bar staff are very likely to greet you and unless you’re an excellent actor and wish to play a mime, you’re going to have to greet them back. I always do this in my Tourist Voice. My Tourist Voice is ultra British, slightly posh like Hugh Grant (i.e. highly recognizable as British to the untrained ear) and incredibly polite. You want the staff member to be reassured that you are indeed a guest at their hotel and a bonafide cash-wielding tourist, not a naughty local trying to break in. So ham it up for the audience. If you’re American: sound really American; if you’re French: sound super French. Make sure your tourist status cannot be doubted.

There are two reasons for this. First, you don’t want to draw unnecessary attention to yourself so finding a lounger on the back row of the terrace will serve you well. Sitting at the pool bar making chit-chat with the bartender is likely to catch you out, as is lounging in a prominent place by the pool stairs. Needless to say, cannonballs or fancy dives are out. Don’t do it. Even if you don’t care about getting kicked out, you’re a part of the pool sneak community now, we have standards to uphold. The other VIP reason to sit in a discreet place is that you don’t want other guests talking to you. Again, likely to catch you out. Keep yourself to yourself, be stealthy, like a ninja.

Now let me be clear on one thing. We pay for all and any sundries and refreshments consumed. We’re trespassing, we’re NOT stealing. Running up a tab on someone else’s room number is not cool and also highly illegal. I’m sure the thought hadn’t even crossed your mind, but people do sometimes ask me and I’d like to clear that up. I pay. I pay in cash. Always in cash. Leave no trace. The bar staff or pool staff will ask for your room number but have a party line of “Oh I promised my Dad I wouldn’t run up a tab” and pay there and then in local currency to avoid detection. It’s nice to be a patron of the bar and show the place some financial support after you’ve used their facilities for free all day. I also have a theory that a gin and tonic tastes sweeter at a forbidden pool, but maybe that’s just me.

In the immortal words of Baz Luhrmann, “Trust me on the sunscreen.” There’s nothing worse than realizing you’ve forgotten your Factor 30 in the middle of a successful resort sneak. We want to relax, we want to swim, we do not want to get burnt. Even 30 minutes unprotected could do you some damage, so make sure you’ve packed it before you head to the hotel. Check and check again. You must never underestimate the strength of the sun in a place that’s new to you. Whack it on and reapply regularly.

I can’t stress this one strongly enough. The whole point of the day is to relax by the pool. You are not here to stress about being caught every five minutes. You are not here to make friends. You are not here to get loads of selfies in a fancy setting. No. Please kick back, inhale, and as you exhale, look around at the beautiful setting and remind yourself what a baller you are and how you absolutely 100% deserve to be here. It’s time to put your feet up on your lounger, kick back, and enjoy your well-earned luxury day in the sun.