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So You Wanna Hike Like a Hot Girl?

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Your go-to guide to looking good, feeling great, and being comfortable on the trail.

Calling all Hot Girls: this is your sign to go outside.

Like, literally outside. Into nature.

If your cursor is currently hovering over the close tab button because you don’t “do nature,” then this is actually the exact change of pace your star chart encouraged for you.

The same way you check yourself out every time you pass a mirror in the department store, surrounding yourself with beauty can only improve your day. And what is more beautiful than the actual Earth?

Defined by the wise philosopher, Megan Thee Stallion, “being a Hot Girl is about being unapologetically YOU, having fun, being confident, living YOUR truth, being the life of the party.” That includes holding onto those characteristics when you try new activities and step out of your comfort zone.

This guide will equip you with the most basic need-to-know tips so you can feel good (and look even better) when you head out on your first hike. Hot girl style.

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Where to Start?

Getting packed for a hiking excursion can be as daunting, if not more, than the actual hike itself. When you look online or see promotions for outdoor activities, you might feel overwhelmed by the amount of highly-specific products seemingly required to even think about hiking.

The worst part about outdoor brands is that they aren’t cheap, especially if you buy everything at once. Advertisements will have you thinking that in order to start hiking, you’ll need to shell out on hiking boots, pants that detach at the knee, shirts with the latest sweat-wicking technology, carbon fiber trekking poles, and every single piece of wool undergarment imaginable.

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That alone would have you dropping a grand on an outfit and you wouldn’t even have red bottom heels. But, like the Chanel advent calendar, that is the nature of marketing.

The truth is, you don’t need to go out and buy all new professional gear, you can (and should!) use the items you already have. Plus, your clothes are cuter anyway.

Get to Steppin’ and Pull Up

All you really need to get started hiking are shoes, and in fact, depending on the trail, sandals and slides may work just as well too. While comfort is optional for any occasion in life, hiking in a pair of Rockdeep sneakers with the padded insoles will be less challenging than lugging heavy Timbs up a mountain. For those of you who reach for your white Forces, for your own sanity, spray them with a stain repellant and stick to paved trails.

If you do choose to snag a pair of shoes to dedicate to hiking, thankfully more outdoor brands are offering stylish hiking boots so you don’t have to completely throw out your personal standards of fashion.

Now that the necessities are confirmed, you can plan the rest of your outfit. As any hot girl knows, your ‘fit will determine your entire day. The same applies to hiking. Wear whatever makes you feel confident, and has decent range of motion. Break out your ‘90s velour tracksuits, matching two-piece sets, and biking shorts-pullover sweater combos à la Princess Diana for the best look-to-function ratio.

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Accessories

When it comes to accessories, feel free to add whatever you want to, as long as they aren’t too delicate or prone to fall off. Getting down on your knees in the dirt to scramble for your lost items is not as glamorous as Velma makes it look. However, on sunny days, sunglasses are a must. Not only do they add an extra level of flair to your look, but they also protect your lash extensions from the wind.

Thankfully, makeup-wise, there are no restrictions. You can traverse the wilderness in a full-beat face, or keep it simple with tinted sunscreen and mascara. That said, long-lasting makeup will be your best friend on the trail, because it’s not the most convenient task to reapply liquid liner while wading through rivers. The best makeup brands for hiking should also be moisturizing, waterproof, and crack-free.

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Provisions

Sure, you can pick up a granola bar. But why stop at granola when you could pack your picnic with a three-piece chicken tender combo with a buttermilk biscuit? There’s just something about a good spread at the end of a journey that makes it that much sweeter.

In terms of water consumption, aim to bring about two cups (the equivalent of one water bottle) for every hour of hiking. However, be conscious of the fact that whatever you pack for a snack, you will have to carry yourself. Thankfully, using a backpack can help alleviate the extra weight and will leave your hands free.

Location

Before you pull up to a designated trail, you have to know where to find one, and be able to access it. . Due to redlining in many cities across America, BIPOC communities have been historically excluded from easy access to outdoor spaces, from fewer neighborhood parks and nearby trails to a lack of roads and transit.

The easiest way to find a beginner’s trail is to use Google Maps to search for trails, which will also supply you with pictures of the trail and reviews. AllTrails is another good website and/or app that details the length of the trail, the difficulty level, and the terrain type.

If you use a wheelchair, motility device, or stroller, be sure to pay attention to pictures of the trail if it is not paved. Flat or low elevation terrain does not mean rock-free.

If getting to a mapped trail is not accessible to you, there is also urban hiking. Urban hiking is exactly what it sounds like: hiking in an urban setting. The trail would be your city’s sidewalks, the views would be the history in the buildings you pass, and the destination would be…well, wherever you decided to turn around, but it could be a city landmark or attraction that you hadn’t visited before, or even to finish an errand you’ve been meaning to get to.

Manners and Mindfulness

Once you arrive at your start point, you’ve already gotten over the biggest barrier. Now you just have to walk. Or strut. The choice is yours.

Whether it is a pro or con in your eyes, you’re usually not completely alone while hiking, especially on the easier trails. You’ll encounter other hikers, wildlife, and even sides of yourself you didn’t know existed. Have fun, but remember that you share this space. Be respectful.

Things get real introspective in the outdoors.

Wildlife

If you haven’t ventured into woodland areas very much, meeting the local critter residents may be your biggest concern on the trail.

For good reason.

You very well might find snakes, cougars, or even bears on your journey. Though, more than likely, your furry trail companions will be chipmunks, squirrels, and deer, all of which will probably scurry off before you even notice them.

Still, the same rules at the club apply on the trail: you can look respectfully, but please do not touch. Always keep a sizable distance between yourself and wildlife. There is not a lace glue in the world strong enough to hold down your frontal if a bison decides to toss you into the air.

Other People

Even for the most confident of hot girls, there may still be a sense of hesitation when it comes to the other people you’ll find on the trails. And it’s not just you.

The outdoor industry’s portrayal of people who enjoy nature consistently lacks adequate representation. Of the few instances where a brand may switch out their cookie-cutter model for someone with more melanin, they usually are still thin, able-bodied, and have no sense of personal flair.

Hot girls come in all shapes, sizes, mobility needs.

So while you may not see yourself reflected in the outdoor media, everyone has an intrinsic right to enjoy nature, regardless if you are wearing a Nike visor or a headscarf.

Besides, it’s not like anyone is going to say something rude to your face anyway. If anything, they will be the ones trying to work up the courage to ask you where you got your eyebrows threaded.

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Yourself

Perhaps the most frightening encounter you have on the trails will be with yourself, and not in the “morning after a bad haircut” kind of way.

Especially if you opt for a solo hike, your time on the trail will give you ample time for self-reflection. You may find creative inspiration amongst the streams, rest on a rock and talk yourself out of getting into another situationship, or even use the time to enjoy not being in yet another Zoom call that could’ve been an email.

Even if the only thing you walk away with is an extremely sweaty crop top and a few new Instagram pictures, stepping outside of your comfort zone is always an accomplishment. As you gain more confidence in yourself as an outdoor enthusiast, you can pay it forward by encouraging others on the trail and in your community to build themselves up through exposure to nature.

Respecting Nature

When it comes to hierarchy in the outside world, Mother Nature is THAT girl. She demands respect. Nothing can humble you quite as fast as tripping over a small rock and breaking one of your $80 nails.

So as you’re taking up space outdoors, make sure to leave the space in the same (or better) conditions for other hotties to enjoy down the road. Take your trash with you on the hike out and stay on the marked path.

You may even find that the more time and care you spend outside, the more you bring that same care into your everyday life. You’ll be more conscious of companies and politicians that prioritize sustainable practices to support the environment, and in turn, the healthy environment will provide tenfold to the community.

Despite what someone looks like or wears, everyone is equal in the eyes of Mother Nature. Even if all you want to do is pose in front of a waterfall and leave, you deserve the opportunity to build your own relationship with the outdoors. Everyone does, for generations of hot girls to come.

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