AgentWhittaker

I really don't care for travel. Fifty-four years old. Never had a penchant to be anyplace. Oh, I have been but looking back on the few vacations I've been on. Not fond memories.

My wife--and we just got married--me for the first time--wants to do our honeymoon in March. Cool. I can handle maybe a week away to a warm resort destination but she also wants me to do Egypt and I don't think I can do that.

Why I detest travel in general---

• I hate the planning---but my wife says she'll do that, so no argument can be had there
• I hate packing anything, including a lunch
• I don't at all believe the expense is ever worth it---and I can afford to do it
• I don't like the airport, flying, customs or any of the garbage that comes with it
• I don't want to be surrounded by drunks on a plane, drunks at a resort or drunks or beggars and street urchins
• I don't want to "make new acquaintances" or share idle chit chat with strangers and I don't hesitate to make it known to anyone trying to engage me--"Hi how are you, my name is Brad and this is my wife Sharon.?" Me: "Not really a talker Brad. The lounge chairs aren't taken so feel free but I'm not really a friendly guy so, why don't you just enjoy the day with your wife." This has always frustrated my wife but it also keeps from having to engage people. I work with people all day; why on earth would I want to endure one on a vacation
• I'm surrounded by people everyday and I hate crowds and noise-I work with people all day; why on earth would I want to endure a new one on a vacation?
• There's nothing I really want to see that draws me into a destination and sight seeing seems a ridiculous waste of my time
• I have no desire to experience different cultures---don't care about the food, the architecture, the history, the people... I know it's there. Don't care. Never will. There are more productive things to do.
• I'm terrified of getting hurt on a trip--the world is a crummy, crummy, place
• Travel is not relaxing.
• I live on a beautiful river in God's country surrounded by forest, silence and tranquility. Why would I want to give this up to go to a crowded, noisy, $hit hole and pretend like it's a meaningful or important place to be?

So, I have all this anxiety and every reason not to go but, I'm also married and love my wife to no end so, I have to make the effort. The Honeymoon trip is my start in dealing with my aversion to travel. I'm committed to enduring that one. It'll be a shorter flight and only a week of hardship. Any trip of magnitude though; like, Egypt for example. Disaster in the making. I could maybe do a 6 hour flight to someplace but 12 or 13 hours to go visit a garbage hole in the Middle East isn't for me. My idea of any trip sure as hell isn't Cairo in June or visiting absurd tourist traps looking at 3D triangles made of rock in a desert, or 120 degree heat or walking through a local bazaar with my head on a swivel searching for pick-pockets, terrorists, or kidnappers trying to walk off with one of the kids. I get it. She's Egyptian. Heritage and all that. I just can't see myself making it through a day let alone two weeks of that place. Even my Egyptian colleague tells me it's not safe for me there. (For her and her kids, sure. For me? No chance.) I'd be safer on the Russian border with Ukraine than anyplace in the middle east. But this isn't about the trip to Egypt---which will be terrible no matter where we go or where we stay because it's in an effing desert where people explode themselves, drop bombs on one another, kill people indiscriminately, chop off heads and hands as a spectator sport and, and ,and...

Anyway; lets just talk on travel anxiety---You can see by my tonality that I'm already getting agitated.
How have some of you gotten over it?
How about spouses? How have you helped your husband or wife get over the hump?
if you're a person that loves to travel--what could be said that's acceptable to you about giving up on your husband or wife travelling?
What's the compromise? I'll pay for her and the kids to go anyplace. I just don't want to go, myself.
if you're a traveler, why do you suppose it is that your types always go with ultimatums like: "There's no way I'm going through my life without travelling!" "We're going or I'm gone!" Why do travelers have such a harsh manner towards those of us that detest it? I don't begrudge anyone travel but why are travelers so disdainful and mean towards those of us that have no scintilla of interest in it. (I can name 100 things I'd rather do than go on a trip someplace)

Apologies if this post seems overly disdainful but I'd rather drop it all on the table. My wife is the world to me and I would do anything for her, except travel.

Anyway... Whatever you can muster for comments would be helpful.

Bokhara2

Is this the opening monologue for a screenplay? Something with Bill Nighy as the lead, developing into a witty, comedic exposition of the curmudgeon's reluctant journey through historic places?

bilboburgler

June in Egypt, will be hot and noisy and if your wife has family there you are going to meet a lot of new family members, a lot.

If I had to go I'd go in the winter, just cooler and the crowds at tourist sites are easier. I went and loved it, I still give money to a charity there which looks after animals, because if you think the humans have a tough time, just look at the animals. Anyway, I think you are confusing the Gulf states and beyond with Egypt in some of your descriptions of local behaviour.

From a mental state, going there for my wife, does not sound comfortable. You may blame her for the rest of your life. Naturally she wants to show you off to the family, she is proud of you so you really need to seek some help on this and start talking to her rather than a bunch of strangers on the internet. Finally I limit my travel because of climate change, but you may need to seek at least counseling about your dislike of some of this stuff, if nothing else it might help you to manage it in your coming life together.

CounterClifton

I couldn't imagine this going well. Mind you, I sympathise with the misery of affordable air travel. And I love and respect many people who don't have much interest in the world beyond their daily lives. Nothing wrong with that for the most part.

All credit for wanting to please your bride. But in your case, based on the lengths you've gone to explain how you don't love any aspect of travel, I don't get the impression that advice alone will help. Poster's enthusiasm and knowledge of your wife's dream location isn't going to turn the tide here. Knowing when the lines are shortest or what area gets a few less tourists isn't really the main problem. When If you're planning for a bad time, there's no way you won't experience one.

All I can really suggest is possibly spending some time trying to develop an interest in Egypt.. Do some reading. Ask her what about it so interests her and try to see it through her eyes rather than just thinking about what you do and don't like. Outside chance, but maybe with her help, you can develop some pros of your own to balance out all the cons?

hetismij2

Have you actually travelled? IS there a particular thing that has turned you off travelling?
I admit I hate airports and flying, but it didn't stop be flying until I made a decision to no longer fly, for the sake of the environment and because I dislike it.
If you can afford it fly business class. More space, shorter queues etc etc.

Millions of people visit Egypt ever year and love it. I can't see why it would be such a dangerous place for you specifically compared to your wife or to me.
If you decide you are going to hate a place you travel with a closed mind, and make yourself, and your companions miserable. Travel is meant to broaden the mind, but it can only do that if you are willing to let it.

Choose somewhere not too far away, and not too alien for your honeymoon. Go with an open mind, relax, be a good, happy companion for your wife, rather than deciding it will all be awful and making her sad with your attitude.
If you survive that then do some research into Egypt, learn about the culture, the sights, the food, and consider whether you still feel the same about the country and visiting it once you know a bit more about it.

If you really don't want to travel then don't, but let her travel if she wants to.
Be careful your attitude doesn't come to affect your whole relationship though.

cdnyul

Agree with you for the most part , especially about Egypt,
I spend some time in the merchant marine where visiting s**t holes was an occupational hazard, have never gone back to any of them even though, being married to a retired airline employee, flights are essentially free.

However, marriage is a partnership and compromise is required to make it work.

fmpden

I am glad you are not my neighbor. And I very pleased you are not traveling as I would hate to be in the airline seat next to you. At 54 this is all very well ingrained in your personality and not changeable. I do feel some sympathy for your new wife as the incompatibility factor has to be high. I see this as an extremely self-centered personality with little flexibility or change. Good luck --- you both have a lot to work on.

tom42

street urchins.

Jean

AgentWhittaker, congratulations on finding someone who has vowed to spend her life with you... Just remember that you made the same vow.

tomboy

Is it too late for an annulment?
If so, get the divorce over with.

LucieV

You certainly write well.

If your wife loves you as much as you love her, I'd think she'd understand and appreciate your pov. Opposites do attract.

My husband of seven million years has always hated to shop; I love to shop. I'd no more insist that he go shopping with me than he'd insist that I read the Buddhist stuff he finds so fascinating.

Otherwise, I recommend for you a few professionally-supervised LSD sessions.

P_M

Welcome to Fodors.

Aren't you a ray of sunshine on a travel board!! Thanks for a hilarious post.

Gardyloo

Calling Mr. Eric Idle... Mr. Eric Idle to the white courtesy phone, please.

sassy27

It’s ok if you don’t Ike to travel. There are some aspects I don’t like about it but do it for some of the reasons you list. I don’t like to drive but know how to and have to if I want to go even to the store. My public transportation isn’t the best so there are trade offs. It’s a good thing everything isn’t for everyone. Nothing wrong with it and just don’t go.

I knew someone who would travel with their spouse but if the spouse knew I was going somewhere would say, just go. You’ll have a good time. The spouse never tagged along and I enjoyed the spouse’s company more than my friend. Go figure.

xcountry

One of my closest friends could have written this. He likes to stay at home. She loves to travel. He made two half-hearted efforts to travel with her (and us).

They have now split. Good luck.

denisea

Wow…she knew this about you before you got married?

it just doesn’t seems like there is a clear path to make this really work. It seems like you would be on edge the whole trip and she will be walking on egg shells. I love to travel and I have my moments when I’m irritated (if u listen to calls, YouTube etc…on your phone on speaker without earphones you are the source of my irritation lately).

the fact is…something will go wrong on the trip. It always does even with the best planning and on a trip you both want to be on.

I truly can’t imagine how to make this work but I wish you the best.

CounterClifton

They scare the Dickens out of me.

P_M

I thought at one point that the OP must be Ted Kaczynski (the Unabomber) but I don't think Kaczynski will be traveling anytime soon.

Congratulations friend, your post has drawn a lot of attention for a first post and also for the airline forum. Additionally, there's a thread about you in another forum. Whether or not you're for real, you are an interesting person and you've already.ade quite a splash on our board.

stokebailey

Gardyloo, that's hilarious.

Surely, travel detester, there's a secluded honeymoonish destination on your own continent. Fly a relative or two over from Egypt to enjoy your own paradise..

Both people get to decide where to honeymoon. Each gets to veto. Dragging your unwilling self to Egypt would be an act of folly.

AgentWhittaker

I'll do anything for my wife and resenting her for a trip certainly won't happen. That's too petulant for me. As for reducing climate change by limiting travel; a noble cause for some but not something I subscribe to so for me---I don't care what's being belched into the air in terms of pollution. I just want to find a compromise. Thanks for the response